Currently: Something to remember this pandemic by

To be honest, I am just writing about this as a sort of obligation. I want to be able to look back at this and remember these circumstances. And I’m chalking my incoherence to the gnawing uncertainty of these times.

1. It’s been more than a month since we’ve gone into quarantine in Manila. My husband does not go to work but has daily conference calls. I go to work some days as part of the skeleton force of the government agency I work at.
2. This pandemic has made me grateful that we don’t have kids yet. I could not imagine current circumstances with a kid between us. Yet, in the confines of our tiny apartment, I sometimes get baby fever.
3. I’ve been coping mostly by being productive. I’ve been taking two online courses (although to be honest, I’ve been slacking off the other one), taking working from home too seriously, and getting chores done left and right.
4. As a related point to 3, sometimes I feel guilty that I am not making the most of my time with my husband during this quarantine. So I make sure to allot time especially for him during the day. True to my Virgo rising, I have non-committal prompts to remind me to do so.
5. With reference to 4, I’ve initiated a slow dance with the husband to our wedding’s first dance song. It’s not as romantic as it sounds. And I am aware that 4 and 5 makes me seem like an unfeeling robot person. I mean who needs prompts to manifest affection?
6. Zooming out a bit, working in the government at this time is both frustrating and heartbreaking. There are so many things in our society that this pandemic has brought focus to. And as a civil servant, I’m in a tricky situation where I can do something to—for lack of a better term—to “fix it,” but cannot at the same time. Opposition is natural in a democracy and I have nothing against it; but sometimes I feel it’s easy to throw criticism when you know it is not up to you do do something about it. But this is a very general feeling with many layers to it. I don’t want or am unable go into it.
7. I don’t know what the “new normal” will look like for us. I don’t want to think about it yet. I’ve been choosing this limbo-esque headspace and it’s a privilege that I can do this. I just cannot deal. So I make lists. Hopefully this will make sense soon.